the last few months (september, october, november) | 2020

1 – still doing the best i can with the shit i have

My god, is December here already? The past few months have truly run away with me. September was my last month being out of school, so my last ‘summer’. If I somehow manage to get a job after graduation, this is my last summer ever (probably, maybe). It felt odd to not be doing the regular ‘summer’ things and all the stuff I had planned for this specific summer – traveling, mainly, but also, you know, going outside in cute summer dresses and not being afraid about pandemic. Since the academic year started for me the first week of October, I think all that summer baggage just felt a little extra funky because there was definitely zero chance Summer 2020 would be alive and fun again. In November we had an election in the US and are still in the midst of post-election everything. It’s been a bonkers year.

2 – trying to be 🙂 instead of 😦

Yoga With Adriene: I’ve been doing yoga with her YouTube channel semi-consistently for the past few months, which is the longest and least miserable exercise ‘program’ I’ve ever had. She has a fuckton of videos so there’s always something new each day, and I like that she’s a little dorky; some of the YT yoga people I’ve watched in the past have felt really serious and perfect and unapproachable. I’m trying to diversify my yoga content a little more outside of white women, so maybe I’ll update when I find someone else, but for now this is the easiest thing to find for me.

Summer classes: Not to sound like a big nerd or anything, but I really enjoyed my summer classes! I took a political science course on comparative politics focusing on environmental issues, and an African American studies course on intersectionality and respectability politics. I found both of them really interesting, but they were also the first online classes which I consistently showed up to and actually tried with. When everything moved online abruptly, I had a bad time doing online classes and got really easily distracted, skipped classes, and didn’t do great work, so I think my summer classes helped orient me towards doing online school stuff in an OK way.

Olive & June: As a “you did good in online summer school” treat, I got myself some nail polish! A lot of nail polish! This is the most money I’ve ever dropped on nail polish in one go and I felt guilty. But then I was a cute gal with rainbow nails who felt a bit guilty, so in the end it was all good.

3 – still a bit 😦 tho

Wildfires: Ash fell from the sky and I could see it collecting outside my window on all our bushes. I know everyone’s probably seen the apocalyptic photos of San Francisco’s red sky, and all of that is just so draining and scary to live through. It’s odd to be part of a generation that has this sort of nihilistic expectation that’s rooted in the abundance of scientific evidence and the lack of political action.

Tatcha’s ‘The Water Cream’ and ‘The Deep Cleanse’: OK, this is such a small thing lol, but listen. I got a little Tatcha travel/mini/trial set earlier this year and I got around to using it. I think it took me a few weeks to get through the trial sizes, but I’m just. so underwhelmed. The packaging is so cute! I love the color palette! There’s so much hype! All the YouTubers talk about Tatcha! So, anyway, I’m back on my regular Cerave now, and I’m trying to remember not to be tempted by fancy expensive skincare that isn’t actually all that fancy.

Many political shits: Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed away, and that affected me – like so many other women who look up to her for her work, like so many other women who wouldn’t be able to do the things we do if not for her – more than I thought it would. Biden won the election, but the Senate and House are looking #ruff. The percentage of white women who voted for Trump went up, which, I mean, I guess if we were wondering whether women’s rights and lives meant more or whiteness and all the benefits that brings meant more, we got the answer. In California, propositions were a wild fucking ride. I volunteered for the Prop 16 campaign (which aimed to combat systemic discrimination in public employment and education by helping to overturn CA’s ban on affirmative action and join the 41 other states who have affirmative action based policies), so that was a huge bummer. I think “affirmative action” is one of those phrases which makes people recoil on instinct without thinking about what it means, like “cancel culture”. I’m also super pissed off that Prop 22 passed, which has just showed that if you pour millions of dollars into TV ads, mailers, emails, fucking push notifications, you can craft the whole narrative that you want, hoodwink the entire state, and get that fuckery passed. I’m taking a political communication class right now, so I’ve been thinking a lot about how we communicate and what the structures and institutions allow us to do in that avenue. Like, Prop 22 was possible in the US because of our lack of laws in campaign finance and allowing TV ads to just run amok. Agh! I’m mad! I’m stressed out! Is there any hope left for this state!

4 – browser history, with no commentary which will surely make me confused in a few years when i look back and have no idea why i was looking at all these things

There’s Nothing Better Than a Scared, Rich Candidate by Molly Ball for The Atlantic

NYT’s At Home newsletter series

5. camera roll, excerpts of

OK! Good to chat again, friends! I’ll be back sometime, who knows if it’ll be at the end of December or much later.


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