Personal

march, 2021

1. aging is a gift, woman pleads with self in mirror

March is my birthday month, and as someone who cares a lot about beginnings/endings/arbitrary markers of time that humans make up, I’m always in my feelings this month. This year, I don’t think I can say I’m in my early 20’s anymore. That’s a bit of a jarring and uncomfortable thought to have – the early 20’s are the most romanticized, hopeful, lively time period, at least in most media I’ve consumed up to this point, and I feel as though I spent my younger years thinking that these years would be some magical halcyon days. There’s some stuff to unpack here about me living in my head and daydreams instead of in the moment, as well as some stuff about having a shitload of unprocessed trauma and baggage that I thought would perhaps go poof once I hit my hot as hell 20’s. (Still waiting on the hot as hell glow up.) But I think I’m starting to genuinely believe that aging is a good damn thing that I’m lucky to experience. So many people pass before their time, and hasn’t this year made that even more apparent? I don’t want to sit around being ungrateful for the days I have, scared about the years others lose. I heard this quote from David Bowie recently that goes like, “Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been.” It’s been percolating in my head for a few weeks now, and I really like that thought. With each year, we grow more into ourselves, more comfortable with who we are, and we were always meant to feel this way. And looking back at where I was, who I was, a year ago, I can definitely say I’m glad I’m me-today and not me-a-year-ago, or two-years-ago, or three. I’m fairly certain I’ll feel the same way a year from now, so why not just trust that process and enjoy the ride? I’m trying to seek out ease a little more, and not make things harder for myself than they have to be – so this is my birthday month and I’m older and that’s where I’m starting.

2. shit i liked

Food Wars: God, what a weird one. There’s no way to describe this anime without making you go “wait, what the fuck?”, so I’m just going to go for it. Food Wars is a show about an intense elite cooking academy, where disputes are settled by food battles (title check!). A defining characteristic is the foodgasm – eating good food prompts an orgasm. I know. I know! I didn’t know what to do with that information either. We read the synopsis on Netflix and went “wait, what the fuck?” and then we thought we’d try out the first episode, and now I’m hooked. We have to talk about the orgasms first, just to get it out of the way. There’s no way for that not to be weird: a character taking a bite of a great dish and then their clothes fly off and they gasp in delight. But I do think that it’s mostly in the first couple episodes, and after that it mainly becomes a really intense cooking show. I think the reason I like this show so much is that it has all the excitement and drama of a serious action show with fight sequences against evil, but since it’s all about food I’m able to actually get swept up in that thrill – I have a pretty instinctive negative reaction to violence/drama in media, I find it super emotionally draining, so this is fun.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses: I am devoted to this video game. I’m nowhere near close to finishing it, because I hear it takes an asston of time to finish and I’m not an experienced video game player at all. But I’m obsessed! Infatuated! And I hope we survive this honeymoon phase! The premise is that you’re a professor in some vaguely old-timey medieval European setting, in a school which is run by a church. The year that you teach has three students who are notable because they’re next in line to various positions of authority (princess, prince, that kind of thing), and you choose one of their houses to lead – hence the title, three houses. You go through daily life at the monastery academy, instructing your students, going for tea, feeding the local cats, growing plants in the greenhouse, and you lead your house through battles, which is a turn-based tactical role-playing style. (I have no idea what this means, because I usually play games like Cooking Mama and Animal Crossing, but perhaps you do. In my uninformed vocabulary, I would say that you kinda just fight as if your people are Pokémon but everyone has like 15 Pokémon on the map at one time?) The thing that I find most interesting is the plot and the character’s relationships, which get unearthed bit by bit by gameplay. The three houses are all major players on the continent – first there was the Empire, and then the Kingdom broke off and won independence through war, and then the Alliance declared independence too – so there’s some politics with them all jockeying for power. The Church is shady as hell, so right now I’m wondering if the Church is manipulating everything for their own power grab. The relationships between all the characters are the stuff of dreams – you get to see support scenes between characters, and I want to tear my heart out when the friendships grow. The big guy built like a wall just wants to cook for his friends, not fight in wars? I mean. Fuck me up. The slutty guy is a philanderer because he’s insecure about his worth and mad at the hierarchical class system? Fuck me UP. There’s also going to be a timeskip at some point! When that happens, your choice of house will determine where the plot goes, so I’ll get a totally different game and ending compared to my boyfriend since we picked different houses. So, like I said, I’m devoted mind body heart soul to this game, and I really hope a year from now I can be like “March 2022! Finished Fire Emblem! Loved it!”

3. other things i just want to register opinions about briefly, i’m not gonna write a paragraph about apple chips

LUV

  • Baked apple chips (Bare baked crunchy Fuji & Reds organic apple chips! Who gave them such a preposterously long name, they’re so great)
  • Seche Vive top coat (transitioned to from Seche Vite, liking it more!)
  • Little Caesar’s pretzel crust pizza (!!! Gone until next year !!!)

NOT FEELING

  • Heatless curls (gave it up as a bad job, have too much hair so takes upwards of 24 hours to dry fully if wrapped in fabric.. unsure if I’ll ever have the patience to do
  • Hair bands/ties (literally have never met a hair band in my life that has not broken after a couple months of dealing with my massive head of hair… am I just not buying the right products? Or am I destined to live a life littering the ground with broken hair ties?)

4. the best things my eyeballs/earholes experienced this month

The best things from this month are the article International Indigenous Repatriation by Honor Keeler in the Arizona State Law Journal (2012) and this video from Allure. As the comment from YouTube user Gabi B said, “I don’t think Allure intended for this to be a thirst trap but here I am lol”. (Do you think if I asked her to date me she would say yes??)

5. camera roll

OK, I leave you with a victory Coronavirus photo! It’s the middle of April, so I’ll probably see you in the middle of May – although we will, as always, keep our fingers crossed for the goddess of punctuality to bless me.

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